What Bipolar is like

The highest, biggest, quickest, can’t keep up with it all, can do it all, from can’t possibly fail to irritation to rage, and finally to the lowest, murky chamber of hell where the darkest of moods slowly strangles every hope… and, maybe, in-between all is all right.    

  I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless… I am haunted with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all… Others say, “It’s only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it,” but of course they haven’t any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can’t feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?   
  
 Mania: The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many … overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it – memory goes. Infectious humour ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened… everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped. Its a disease that is hated by us all.      

Hypomania: At first when you are high, it’s tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear… all shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things, become intensely interesting. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria…you can do anything…but, somewhere this changes.”      

And then you fall back the roller coaster ride into mania. The white mouse on the wheel keeps turning, turning, turning. And the feelings goes round in circles. Until you get the correct help and you medication tries to keep you on the right track. Your sessions with your doctors helps you to get rid of all your thoughts in your head. You try to keep on the "straight and narrow" and sit and wait out the storm to pass.

Best wishes to everyone that is struggling with Bipolar Disorder

Angelique